There is a reason it's called a sacrifice of praise....

     Just when I think I have accepted the fact that we may never have a definitive
diagnosis for Cody and that I am okay with that reality rears it's ugly head.  You see
Cody is looking at colleges to visit, he is trying to do the normal things 16 almost
17 year old boys do.... But reality is he has a chemotherapy infusion every three weeks
to control an unnamed disease he has been fighting since our first hospital visit at
5 weeks of age.  And now he is having less then 3 weeks relief between those said
infusions.
        Although he has been taken care by one of the best pediatric rheumatology  
programs around and we have excellent communication with them we are learning
that adult rheumatology is not the same. Cody will be 17 in December so we
have approximately a year left with our doctor and then what???
        We are looking into seeing how we can get Cody into see Dr. Kastner at the 
National Institute Of Health he is working on a genome project with fever syndromes.
I have a strong feeling that we are going to need some documentation heading into
adult rheumatology and his college career.  And really its more than that I have always
felt a great need to know the enemy we are fighting.... just to have a name to put to
this "thing" that attempts to take over our lives so very often.
       So we move ahead not exactly sure of what lies ahead... as a quote I read today
said," when God closes doors, you've got to praise Him in the hallway".

          

Be still....

  R and I were talking about how the semester is just about
halfway over... wow.  On Wednesday I get to bring our girl home
for her first visit in eight weeks (we've been up to see her but,
she hasn't been home in that time).  It's going to be so nice
to have under our own roof for a couple days.

  It is really a marvelous thing to see your children grow and mature.
R is finding her niche at school and that is wonderful to see.
C is plugging away on his full schedule and senior project. H 
and L are showing great strides as independent learners.  All these
things make life so much more pleasurable for this mama.

  Children although loads of work are blessings in thousands of ways.
I think mine have taught me much more than I've ever taught them.

   On Wednesday night L came home from church telling me he
needed to spend time every night letting God speak to him.  So that
evening oh about 20 minutes after he laid down, he sought me out...
"Mom", he says ,"I don't know what to do God's just not talking .."
We ended up having a great conversation about prayer and reading God's 
word (of course it reminded me about how impatient I am for God to speak
and answer me at times).

         "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted
         among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth."
                                Psalm 46:10



   

O hush October morning mild...

October

BY ROBERT FROST

O hushed October morning mild,

Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;

Tomorrow’s wind, if it be wild,

Should waste them all.

The crows above the forest call;

Tomorrow they may form and go.

O hushed October morning mild,

Begin the hours of this day slow.

Make the day seem to us less brief.

Hearts not averse to being beguiled,

Beguile us in the way you know.

Release one leaf at break of day;

At noon release another leaf;

One from our trees, one far away.

Retard the sun with gentle mist;

Enchant the land with amethyst.

Slow, slow!

For the grapes’ sake, if they were all,

Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,

Whose clustered fruit must else be lost—

For the grapes’ sake along the wall.

   This morning I was up bright and early... not 
because I wanted to be or had to be...but 
because I couldn't sleep. Our Siamese has taken 
to demanding food as soon as someone stirs.  I
moved enough apparently for him to think I was 
fair game.

    I actually, once I force myself out of that

semiconscious state, enjoy being up

when no one else is.  I love the quiet of the house. 
I love curling up in my favorite chair with a cup of tea

and my bible. Starting my day this way centers me
and allows me to cast all my worries of the day and
hand over to the One who cares for me.


    Blessed are You, O Lord our God, King of the universe, Who has kept us in life, and has preserved us, and enabled us to reach this season. 
  

October is crisp days and cool nights, a time to curl up around the dancing flames and sink into a good book.

Autumn is the second spring when every leaf is a flower
~ Albert Camus

   Driving down the road today I noticed how the leaves were 
turning.  I absolutely love this time of year. The crispness
in the air and the beautiful leaves.  The kids and I put our fall
decorations up the other day... and Hannah and I are having a 
grand time trying lots of recipes with apples and pumpkin.  We 
can't wait to do them with Rachel when she comes home.
   Because I love this time of year it breaks my heart that this
weather that I love sometimes causes such grief to our
children.  Our rheumatologist told me today " You guys are
going to need at least a 1/2 time rheumatologist dedicated
to the care of your family!".  As Cody came off his flare
Hannah woke with stiff fingers and knees. We started her on
a run of prednisone that was a long week...quite a few nights 
she woke up in the middle of the night hungry.  Yesterday
was her last day and boom the pain is back.  So we will be
squeezing a doctors visit this week and looking at other options.
   Also Cody's jaw seems to popping quite a bit when he eats
it's a little unnerving.. so I guess an MRI is in our future as
well.
   So now is the time we start to embrace comfort measures
and tricks. Electric blankets turned on 20 to 30 minutes before
getting out of bed can take the edge off of stiffness.  Curling
up in bed with a hot water bottle to do school.  And we purpose
in our hearts to be thankful.
  My mother always said when things look their worst start 
counting your blessings. That practice has held me in good
stead. I am teaching it to my children ~ it's hard to worry
and complain when your reminiscing about God's faithfulness
or the blessings He's given.