What does it mean to persevere ?

1. persevere(Verb)

 To persist steadfastly in pursuit of an undertaking, task, journey or mission in spite of distraction, difficulty, obstacles or discouragement

Tonight for the second time this weekend, I have left the house in tears. I work nights ...Thursday, Friday & Saturday nights... I have done this coming up on a year now. I left the house in tears because Lucas was in tears. The last 4 months have been miserable. Since Mike's cancer diagnosis in March, Lucas has been struggling with a great deal of anxiety.

Realistically we have reasons to be anxious... financial, physical, etc. However, Lucas starts being anxious that he's going to be anxious and ends up making himself physically ill. It is very hard to walk out the door for 10 hours while the house is in chaos. Lucas said to me earlier tonight, "Saying you trust God is easier than actually trusting Him Mom", don't we all know it!

I am the first one to admit this job is most likely my Ishmael attempt.  What do I mean?  God promised Abraham that he & Sarah would have a son, but Abraham didn't wait for God's provision and had Ishmael with Hagar (Sarah's servant) ...which we all know has caused great grief in the middle east. And this job while until recently has helped keep our house... it has caused great grief.

So tonight I have been playing Lucas's words over and over in my mind. How do we actually trust God and not just say we do? I believe the answer lies in perseverance.  I believe God can and will show up.  My experience has been He is never late and always on time.  But waiting has never been my strong suit...

You can't make this stuff up...

Life is amazingly crazy at times.  Yesterday was one of those crazy days. Yesterday morning as I sat doing my devotions, Mike calls me into the downstairs bathroom and I was met by the lovely scene of sewage backing up all over the floor.  Thankfully we were able to contain it to the bathroom until the plumber came (ejector pump was clogged by part of the float).  A short while later I was across the street talking to my neighbor... we noticed a huge snake under my car... that proceeded to climb up into the engine of the car.  I was telling people it was 3 foot long, Mike corrected me later it was actually 4 foot long...ugh! 

I have been struggling with all the craziness in my life at late. Yesterday was a big struggle to not descend into the trap of discouragement.  I am fighting discouragement because life doesn't seem to have any down times lately.  Life has been stressful constantly since well I can't remember when.  And the financial stress is a bit overwhelming at times. The last thing we need financially at this point is big plumbing bill.  Trusting God to provide financially is difficult.

Today Mike goes for his first PSA test post surgery and I would be lying if I didn't admit I am on pins and needles.  He has two weeks back to work under his belt and is doing well. He is tired at the end of the day... getting use to being on his feet for 8 hours again.  Overall though I have been pleasantly surprised at how well he is handling things, even sharing things with others that I would have never thought he'd share.

Thankfully we have hit a more consistent weather temperature of late.  So episode of joint pain have been fewer. Unfortunately Hannah's disease process is worsening and we had to make the decision to add sub- q injections of methotrexate to her therapy.  Also her TMJ issues are worsening so she is scheduled to have more steroid injections in her jaw on July 5th.

Many have asked how you can pray... just knowing your praying is a huge encouragement.  If you could pray against discouragement & fear would be fantastic and that God would show His provision we would greatly appreciate it.

Ups and downs.....

The weather here has been a bit fickle as of late... last Tuesday it barely reached 73 degrees and then we had 4 days of temps in the 90's, next week its suppose to be back in the mid 70's.  The ups and downs of spring heading into summer I guess. 

Ups and downs seem to be a big part of our lives right now.  The weather has caused a bit of joint pain issues, Lucas has been complaining of jaw pain and Rachel has been running a temp for about a week.  Mike is recovering well
although some days it doesn't move fast enough for him. So yeah lots of ups and downs. 

May ended up being a brutal month. I had really anticipated the surgery being
the end of the scary craziness.... actually it only continued and added extra dimensions with recovery, sorting out short term disability and the loads of medical expense. So here's to hoping June will be better!

Along with the craziness of life right now~ Lucas is losing his best buddy on our circle.  So in a temporary lapse of sanity we/I gave into his request for a kitten.
Yes just what we need right now a 3rd cat :).

                                                         
                                                                   Little Man & Harley
"The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests." ~ Epictetus