“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” Winnie the Pooh

     On Tuesday we will have been "in school" for a month. Part 
of me feels its been a long month and part of me can't believe
a month has already past. The older I get the passing of time
is a quandary.
     Fall is definitely here. The morning air is crisp and the geese 
are flying overhead. We have started to settle down into our
school time routine...  I say started because this has been a 
season of change for us and every time I think we have a 
routine underway life intrudes. 
     Rachel is fairing much better these days and conquering
those beginning of the semester jitters. Hannah is settling
in and working much more independently which is a huge
blessing. Lucas has shown himself to be more mature this
year and his coping skills when thrown off balance are
amazing to see in action. Cody has had a rough start the
past two weeks brought a pretty big flare one we haven't
seen the likes of in quite awhile. Thankfully he is now 
recovering and perking up a bit. 
     One of the lessons we are constantly learning (especially
with chronic illness) is we each have our own strengths and 
limitations. So we need to learn new ways to solve problems
and to be resilient. That has been a big lesson for me recently. 
I have been away from the house a lot the past two weeks. 
It has not been easy with Cody ill~ my mind is constantly in 
two different places. I have always been primary caregiver and 
teacher... not so much the past two weeks.  Mike has done 
a wonderful job getting school done with the younger ones 
and monitoring Cody's condition. That means I've had to let 
go a bit...  okay not a bit a lot!  Like I said Mike does a 
fantastic  job but its different than the way I would do it.  
Have I told you letting go of control doesn't come easy for me? 
But, I am thankful in a small way for times like these 
because it reinforces our strength as a family... it is a 
testament to the love we have for each other.
   

Proverbs 16:1

"We can make our own plans, but the LORD gives the right answer." 

      

   
    

Best laid plans...

    "the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray...." you 
can prepare for everything except the unexpected.  23 years ago 
when I graduated college I never believed I would be here 
in this place today.  A friend said to me today I can't imagine 
how it is or him and you to deal with this everyday (speaking 
about Cody's illness)... quite honestly some days it seems like 
too much, that its too hard and I want to wake up from this 
nightmare and be done.

    Then I look at how far we've come. There are bad days. It is 
very hard to see your child give up something they love because 
the illness doesn't make it possible anymore. It is hard to see 
them have rethink all they ever wanted to be. Robert Frost once 
said If there is one thing I've leaned about life it is... it goes on.
Nine years ago getting an answer became an all encompassing
goal for me.  Nine years ago we talking about replacing heart 
valves  And we still don't have all the answers... and I have had
to rest in the fact that I don't have all the answers but I know 
the One who does and to just go on.

  The Psalmist wrote Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light
unto my path.  Have you ever walked a path in the dark with a 
flashlight when camping?  If you hold the light in front of you 
can't see very far ahead but you can walk safely... if you try to 
shine the light ahead you end up tripping on things you didn't 
see on the path. It is so easy for me to want to see what is 
ahead and then get tripped up on everyday life.  I believe God 
is an ever present help in times of trouble... I know this to be 
true because we have experienced trouble and we have 
experienced His presence in a very real way. We never had to 
replace that heart valve and I have been able to see my son 
grow into man of faith, compassion and courage. 

    Right now I feel as if I am being crushed in the crucible...
Cody is flaring, Mike has pneumonia, Rachel is struggling to 
come into her own... I could go on and on. I have to trust that
God has a plan and that He keeps His promises... my 
experience is that He is always on time and never late!

He fails us not

   Today has been a crazy day...  a crazy busy day.  Last week 
after dropping Rachel of at school we started... well some of us 
started with a cold. It was a miserable cold... Mike is 
still fighting it. We are very careful with illness in general 
because several of the kiddos are on meds that suppress their 
immune systems (Cody especially).
      So after about 9 days of this cold... and usually Cody 
doesn't get the little things such as colds etc. his hyperactive 
immune system usually cuts them off at the pass... he was 
not getting better but worse. He started running a higher temp 
and his joints became very sore. We spent 2 days trying to get 
ahold of rhuematology and finally today had success. 
Unfortunately the treatment of choice to head off a major flare 
is prednisone.
      Although I know at times it is a necessary evil- I don't like 
it. The past couple times he has been on it he is just plain mean
and hungry all the time. I don't mind the hungry but the mean,
well lets just say there are challenging days ahead.
      As I was plugging through the day, school, doctors visits 
and children who at times did not want to cooperate I was 
blessed to have a song running through my head. And I wanted 
to share it with you. I think it easy to be overwhelmed by the
hard things in this life and if your like me I tend to think I am
failing everyone... I need to remember that I can't do things in 
my own strength.  I can't keep it all together all the time, but
I trust in someone who can.

Growing Pains..

Last Saturday we packed up all of the things Rachel had been collecting for college and dropped her off at her dorm.  It was an emotional day to say the least.  In fact the whole week has been fraught with emotion...  

Someone told Rachel as she was struggling last week that....that if it wasn't scary it wouldn't be good for her, it wouldn't change her and wouldn't be worth it... perhaps Rachel summed it up best with this C.S.Lewis quote  "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."  Growing...setting out into the unknown is never easy. Thankfully we know we are not in this alone.

This Saturday my mother and I were able to take the day and drive to the college and spend the day with my sweet girl. We had a wonderful time listening as Rachel shared stories about her week, friends and her classes so far. I have no doubts that she will make it through just fine. I'm thankful to see that God has already been faithful and put wonderful people around her

to encourage her on her walk with Him.  So this coming week we will concentrate on victories and praise Him for His faithfulness!